ERASING YOU

i spat out your name
rinsed my mouth
and silently promised
never again
sometimes i stumble
and when i trip up on an unexpected memory
i dust myself off
and walk on
life without you is a little empy
but i am learning
to fill myself up
on friends and family
and little bits and pieces of intimacy
i’m moving on

Snippets of thoughts and pieces of me

at times i am shy
icy fingers and toes
hot tongue
broken heart
open and closed
and sometimes in between.
wrapped in lies
belonging to other people
and sadness
belonging to me
watching strangers
some i would like to know
others
i certainly would not
loud mouthed men turn me off
but occasionally stroke my ego
and my thighs if i drink too much
sometimes i think i am crazy
then i remember
so are you
and its ok
pretty songs
can make me cry in public
pretty girls
make me feel like kissing
and so do beautiful men

confused

she kissed me
and watched me with big brown eyes
her small frame
climbed on top of me
her fingers danced over my ribs
then she lay her cheek
against my bare belly
and listened to me breath
she held me
and…
i think…
she felt something
and…
i think…
i was confused

Lie

your breath smells like wine
as it pushes out lies
and i drink them all up
getting drunk on this ‘love’
i like to pretend
this is real
so i dont say a thing
i just let your hands
wander my body
with clumsy drunk fingers
and a hot tongue
burning my thighs
i live for this lie

he wove golden strands of love
through her hair
painted her naked flesh
with his tongue
drew passion
from his fingertips
and brushed them
along her full waiting lips
their eyes
danced
to tunes no one else could hear
they were covered in each other
and it was beautiful
then one day
he had to leave
he dropped pieces of himself
as he left
like breadcrumbs
for her to find him
when the time was right
but the birds
ate them up
and he disappeared
forever

How many

how many words
have i sewn together for you?
how many promises
have i laid out before you?
how many pieces of my heart
have i chipped off
and presented to you
wrapped in hope and tears?


too many

a seductive tune
slithers across my flesh
creeping around my curves
stroking my ink stained arms

i breath in deep
almost tasting
the dark
sweet
chocolate tune

tonight i need no one

music is my lover

inspiration

i am filled with fear
at the thought that my inspiration well
may have run itself dry
i look out upon what once was an endless ocean
to see only a trickle
making its way along the dusty path
that such a mass of water once carved in the earth
and my breath catches in my throat
i search my soul for an answer
as to why or where this once broad blue sea may have gone
and i wonder
if it will ever wash over me again
in that cool, calming, perfect way it once did
and as i sink to my knees
desperately licking at the last drops
with panic crawling up my parched throat
where once beautiful words escaped
i stop still
feeling the earth below me shudder
i look ahead
and a tidal wave of emotion hits
and off i swim again
in the calming seas of inspiration.

oh those exquisite features!
i do not touch
for fear of breaking you
because sadly
thats what i do
its never intentional
always a mistake
a slip up
a wrong word
and if i were to do that to you
break you
into tiny little pieces
and lose your beauty forever
i would never forgive myself

one night

we clung too each other
heavy breaths
on hot skin
eyes locked
knowing this would never happen again
after, i touched your face
to check if you were real
and your fingers fluttered across my back
leaving goosebumps rising from my flesh
in the morning you kissed me goodbye
and that was it.

when he arrived at my door
he looked warn
and so completely torn apart
that i just didnt have the heart
to be angry about anything
i welcomed him in
and forgave his every sin
he lay in my bed
while i stroked his head
as he slowly slipped into a fitful sleep.

So many faces
Pleading
Stained with sorrow
Watching others
Blinded by ignorance
Walk straight past them
In a hurry
To get
To their perfect life
No time
To stop and help
Or ask if everythings ok
So many faces
Tired
Wrapped in fear
And news paper
And a little hope
That someone will be along soon
So they can eat
Or get that next fix
Or maybe a sip of cheap wine
To wet their cracked lips

Alcoholic

Take another mouthful
Let it sting your tongue
And burn away Any bad memory
Any unresolved pain
It is your escape
All is forgiven
And forgotten
At the end Of a bottle
A headache
And a little dehydration
Is all you will have to pay
For this salvation
That’s what you think anyway
A few months later
There you are
With your soul ripped apart
Begging With slurring words
For another dollar To stop the hurt
Your body is dying
Your mind is lost
And anyone who knew you
Has forgotten any part of who you once were

i listen to your song
of seduction
it slides over me
like silk
softly kissing my flesh
alive
moving slowly
rocking side to side
in love
in lust
passion engulfs me
your all i want to feel

embers smoulder in my heart
my fire for you is dying
because i am forcing it to
throwing buckets of tears on it,
willing it to go out
but there is still a little heat
a little burning
a little want
for you

Belief

the sun is dancing through the trees
and the breeze
whispers in my ear
secrets of
the wind
i smile to myself
not knowing how
i will get through
but feeling sure that i will

Yesterday I Cried

yesterday i cried
for you
for us
for this trapped feeling in my heart
for all the pain i see
walking the streets
for my stupidity
thinking what i felt
was more important
than anyone elses emotion
for all the stories of loss
i read
and all the stories
i never see
for so much of this world
that cries out
but never gets heard
for silent screams
and broken dreams
yesterday i cried

shaking
i brave the storm
in your eyes
rough seas
toss me out of your boat
but much to my disbelief
i float
i was drowning
in you
now i am free

They loved
An aching love
Full and bleeding with passion
Her heart beat to his song
And they danced through life
To blues tipped tunes
Fighting to prove their love
To all that doubted

Until he slipped
Tripped up on reality
The sadness consumed him
And he fell
With a blood curdling scream
To the bottom of nowhere
Leaving her behind

She tried to jump too
Beating her bloody fists to the ground
But the hole that sucked him in
Was unable to be found

Despair clawed at her
With razors bought from a two dollar shop
Until she was scarred
From the inside out

I told you so’s
Ripped at her heart
And the doubters smiled with the knowledge of their victory

The End

i love you
he whispers
with helpless breath
and a pleading tongue
as he senses the doubt
in her silence

she looks away

he grabs handfuls of himself

and with shaking hands
tries to place each little slither back
where it belongs
so nobody knows
that he cant keep himself together

he says sorry

he just spits it at her
as if that word alone
will bring him forgiveness

but his sorry
means nothing
not anymore

Love

your silent goodbye
broke every part of me
i shattered
and crumbled
and bled out
i begged
and pleaded
over and over
but you were strong
you did what i couldnt
you kept silent
you left
you ended it
and now all i have of you
is a beautiful memory
wrapped in sadness
a heaviness in my heart
and a tattoo of your name

Endless hours

in this still night
the silence screams.
insomnia is nibbling at my tired bones
a niggling pain
keeps me awake
and i'm left with endless hours
to ponder the meaning of this existence
but as usual
i get no further
to discovering the truth
i just get closer
to losing my mind